i dont care if noone cares; the world is a beautiful place
:))

My mommy just hit me.

I was walking through the hallway and as she passed I threw a fake punch to her face and was like BAM!

She punched me in the stomach.

I fell over laughing.

So today I went and had a chit chat with a preacher.
Philosophical almost.

Well anyway, he asked what I was in college for and I told him I was in for Mathamatics and in the teaching program.

A couple minutes later he asks a question which seemed very odd.

He asked me "what is half of two plus two?"

At first I sat there thinking, looking up in the corner of my eye.
Why would he try to ask this question to a math major?

Then it hit me, he was trying to trap me!

So I responded, "well it could be two or three depending on how you phrase the question."

Thinking I dodged the trap, I was incorrect; in ways.

The outcome was still the same.

He used the answer as a link into opening ones mind.
And that topic lasted at least fifteen more minutes.

After our chat I left and headed home.

Getting home I had some lunch and then played some poker.
By chance Eric ended up in two of the same tables as me.
He was drunk.
You shouldn't play poker when you've been drinking.
He seemed to have lost a good amount of his bankroll.

Middle of the day games are harder than average.
Your no longer playing against amatuers but people who rob you for a living.
I did ok with the sharks in the fixed-limit ring games but my no-limit tourney technique is weak to their aggression.

I ended up being down maybe 20 bucks.

I went to class and it lasted all of 10 minutes.
Lauren Curry is my hero.
She saw that I was absent yesterday and got my final exam for me and let me copy her notes today.
I don't know what I would have done without her.

But I came home and played a little more poker.
Night was here.
The play is more passive.
My aggression will dominate those players who play for fun.

I ended up placing 1st in maybe 3 sit and go tourneys.
Maybe 2nd or 3rd in another 2.
But the sit and go's are always easy, and yet not worth it because of the low stakes.

I played some 1-2 fixed limit. The players there must have been taking notes on me.
They're beginning to fold to my aggression. It's saving them alot of money.

I made maybe 80 off of them in an hour. It should have been triple that but their technique is improving.
They are recognizing me as a threat and not playing in the pots I choose to enter.

Weeknight players are stronger than I thought they would be.

I still will have no respect for the weekend players.
On a good saturday one could easily make four digits off of their bad plays.
Sundays are almost as good.

I know I want to save my money and get a new car soon but I can see myself failing at that.
I already want to goto AC and start placing big bets or playing in some of the larger tournaments.
Which isn't a good idea since my multi-table tournament skill isn't as strong as my ring game.

I've gone up a level.
I now play 2/4 when I can.
3/6 might be next.
Well see.

The world is a small place.
I was at Jamie's the other night and guess who I saw.
Rochelle Mersinger!
That is so ironic!
I would love to just lay down and hear Rochelle tell her stories.
I bet they're wonderful.
There's something about her voice I like.
I dunno.

So I went out tonight.
And it turns out that Mandy knows Erich Kunz!
Thats crazy!
Jordan does too!

Everyone knows everyone in NJ.
It's kinda like that Garden State movie.

I was winning by alot in the last game of poker at the night.
I offered the 50 50 split to Jordan though and we each took 20.
Not bad.
He's a good player.
He remembers alot about the plays I make.
He recalled the time we each had trip tens but I layed mine down for him at Big Ed's.
He also remembered how I checked for pot-odds before I called.

He's got the intuition.
He'll be a great one day.
He knows what direction to go.
Whoever gets there first; hopefully he doesn't beat me there.

Poker is back.

I got enough money in my bankroll two days ago to plan an aggressive game of $1/$2 fixed limit.
In two days I'm up maybe $250 dollars.

And as my bankroll grows the higher limits I can play.
Once I hit $2/$4 I'm looking at $150-$400 a day.

Just like the old days.

Hmm.

I was driving home from class today and my car kept wanting to swerve in the rain.
So I was like no hydroplaning for you and just got in the right lane and went 40 miles per hour on 38.

About when I got to the McDonalds in Cherry Hill the car decides to defy me.

All of a sudden it jerks left.

I'm not sure why, but I didn't panic.
I didn't even change my dull apathetic facial expression.

The car is almost facing the entirely wrong direction, maybe 120 degrees to the left so far.
Knowing Rt 38 is crowded and traffic might not stop for me I act quickly and cut the wheel.

I've cut the wheel and the car is evening out.
The cars now facing the right way of the street.
The wheel no longer needs to be cut to the right.

The car continues to spin. This time to the right.
It goes beyond the 180 degree mark to about 200 before it stops.

My face still blank, my mind still empty; I gaze forward.
I see a truck coming at me.
And my car is mostly facing him, turned to slightly expose the driver side.

Surely this was gonna be where it ends.

I always wondered if those stories were true.
Those tales of when you were about to die you remember your life in flashbacks.

They weren't.

I just stared at the truck blankly.
Too apathetic to even change the dull expression on my face.
And I said something out loud.

I muttered in a low voice.
In the most MONOTONE voice possible.
I calmly said 'oh fuck.'

So here I was ready to die.
And I couldn't give the slightest care.
There was no fear.
No thought of anything I could miss.
No desires.

I just sat there and waited.
Not frozen in panic, but just apathetic.

The truck managed to come to a stop a little in front of me.
No harm, no foul.

I held my blank expression on my face.
Turned on my left turn signal.
And pulled into the McDonald's parking lot to turn back around.


I don't know what it is.
I'm not scared of alot of things anymore.
I don't get butterflies in my belly anymore.
I don't even really like anyone anymore.

It's like I've been dead inside for almost two years now.
But it's different.
I'm not sad.
I'm not depressed.

I just don't really feel strongly towards anything anymore.

I used to be scared of bridges.
I couldn't care less anymore.

I used to always get that tingle in my tummy.
I don't even remember what it feels like anymore.

No more panic attacks.

No more knots in my throat.

No fear.

No despair.

No love.

No more crying.

No more happiness.

Not alot of anything.

I'm so dull now.
I think I grew up. :(

Current Mood: blank

im the moon.
ill always be there.
but noone will ever care.

i wanna be the sun!
everyone loves the sun.
watching the sun come up.
go away.

well maybe not vampires.
or black vampires, vampyres.

them niggas be crazzzzy.

I'm bored.

I met Deana today.
She's an illustrator of childrens books.
That's so cool!

I met her at the playground.

I met Lauren today too.
She's a year older than me.
But has accomplished so much more.
It turns out we have two classes together, at least.

She had a stain on her shirt.
I was lookin at it when I talked to her, she prolly thought I was looking at her boobies.
But I wasn't.

I feel a little sad.

I miss the way Jen used to make faces, I liked the sad panda face.

I miss the way Jil would walk around with one eye completely closed and the other was squinting.
It was cute.

I talked to Lauren on the phone today.
She's a bizzy girl.

Hmm.
I wanna feel specail.

I'm upset.

im a go

xSpO0nFuLx2o: and i just want someone to like cuddle with
NiGhT tHe PopE: aw if you ever getlonely when your in nj ill cuddle with you
NiGhT tHe PopE: yah i figured you were lonely
xSpO0nFuLx2o: i know u will

wow.
its like when princess leia was like, i love you.
and hans solo was all like i know.

i feel dumb now.
not that i was professing love to jil.

but i dunno, i know isnt the kind of reaction id get.
im dumb.

Gas is expensive.

I saw it for 3.49 today.
Uhg.
So much.

I had school for the first time at Rutgers Camden today.
It was short and then I went out with Jil.

We went out to dinner.
We went to Macaroni Grill and it was free.
Jil's salmon ended up taking long but I didn't mind the wait.
Jil ate the bread.
ALL of it and then I ordered soda for her.
No more water.
And we drew all over the table.

Then we went to the mall.
We bought things.
I bought Jil a book and a magazine.
She bought shoes.
She has tiny feet.

We saw Christine.
We had a chit chat.

Then we went out to the bar to see Anant.
He didn't seem happy with us.

We then went back to my house.
We watched Sin City.
Jil seemed to be focused on it.
I liked being with her.

Then I took her home and stopped by the bar again.
Anant still didn't seem to pleased; so I left.

I got gas and came home and showered.